Back-to-school...Finally!

So the month is almost over and this is my first post in September. You may be wondering why (or maybe you're not the curious type) so I'll try to fill you in as best I can.

Firstly, I have been having some pretty major pain management difficulties. Like, major. Like, spending-all-my-spare-time-in-bed-yet-not-sleeping-at-all kinda pain. So that has basically taken away any ability to do extraneous projects.

Then, there are all the struggles with various and sundry bureaucratic entities mentioned in my last post.

Plus we had another IEP to try to deal with Truman's transition onto campus in the mornings...can I just say EPIC FAIL!!!

And then, there is Truman...ah, my dear little monkey...is he really almost 6 years old? How did we get here so fast?

Truman went back to school (YAY) but this time as a KINDERGARTENER (DOUBLE YAY!!!) which is great and means that I have more opportunities to rest during the day.

Here he is on the first day of school. Doesn't he look contemplative?

The problem is that he has concurrently had a HUGE spike in behaviors. The most disruptive and disturbing of these has been his lack of consistent sleep.

We've begun logging his daily activities and behaviors and were shocked when we discovered that out of the last 40 days, he has had abnormal sleeping patterns at least 14 times. That doesn't sound like much, but when I tell you that means he's up for as much as 4 hours at a time (and thus so are we) then what do you think?

It affects the whole family. Because when he is awake, he's not just staring at the ceiling or twiddling his thumbs. Nope. He is manic, running around, jumping on the bed, demanding to watch a movie, throwing his toys, sneaking into the kitchen to get food, stimming in every way imaginable, scripting (usually at a very loud volume) crying, hitting, just generally going nuts. We have been embattled and stressed and exhausted for months now and we are trying everything in our toolkit to address this issue.

This means we are exposing him to as much variety in his sensory diet as possible, new heavy work routines throughout the day, a snack with protein and a dose of melatonin near bedtime, a weighted blanket and fan at night, routine, routine, routine...

But nothing seems to make much of a difference.

The poor guy is just exhausted...

All of this has lead us to an extremely difficult choice.

We are considering medication for our little guy.

I have no words for the amount of conflict and stress this has brought into my mind. When we first had medication suggested to us by some of Truman's doctors, it was a no-brainer. I mean, there was NO way I was going to pump chemicals into my little baby. Not if it was just to make my life easier. Nope. Not gonna happen.

I was scared of the side effects. I was worried he would stop growing. I thought maybe it would permanently alter his brain chemistry. I was thinking of all the articles by adults with Autism who HATED the fact that their parents had medicated them as kids. I was confused as to how we would even be able to get him to take the meds in the first place. I was just totally against it, without even a glimmer of consideration.

But he was a LOT younger then. And honestly, his behavior was a LOT more manageable, both for me and for him.

Now, I see how much he is struggling. I see how much Dave and I are struggling. And after a semi honked at me for fading into it's lane as I was driving Truman home from his Occupational Therapy, I realized that something had to give. Friends don't let friends drive sleepy.

I can't function without sleep, and neither can Truman. I am not going to put our lives at risk because I'm afraid of the possible damaging ramifications of medication. He is older now, and according to the growth charts at his last physical, the size of an average 9 year old (!!!) so I'm willing to at least look in to the options we have for pharmacological intervention.

It's always a guessing game when you're trying to make decisions about your children. You do the best you can with what you know at the time. The rest you have to lay down at God's feet. I take great comfort in knowing that the only person who is looking out for Truman more carefully and diligently than me is God, so that calms me down quite a bit.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices! Psalms 37:7

I love this verse from Psalms...it pretty much sums up how we are called to rely on God to care for our needs, worries, concerns and burdens. And truthfully, my reliance on my faith, my Lord, my family, friends, and fellow believers has been the only thing that has gotten me through the past 6 years.

Dave and I spend all our emotional, mental, spiritual, financial, and physical resources on making sure Truman becomes the best version of himself possible. We will continue to do that, but hopefully we will have a little more help in the process going forward.

In the meantime, there's always naps :-))

Grace & Peace,

-Hannah