Forms, surveys, questionnaires, etc...

Okay, I have just spent about 5 hours filling out and scanning and copying various and sundry forms, questionnaires, instruments, surveys etc. All of this for Truman's different therapies, doctors, and even a study we're participating in at UCSD. The result...irritation, exhaustion, headache, writer's cramp, and the biggest bummer of all is the overwhelming reminder of exactly how many challenges our little Monkey faces every moment of every day.

I mean, you go through the days and weeks with your child marveling as they develop new skills and relish every minute advancement...and then someones asks you whether you agree with the statement: "I find myself giving up more of my life to meet my children's needs than I ever expected."

Do I Strongly Agree, Agree...am I Not Sure or do I Disagree...or even Strongly Disagree?

Well, let's be honest here. Doesn't every parent have to give up a lot to meet their children's needs? That's sorta the price you pay to foster the next generation of humans. I feel it is our "bounden duty" so to speak, to do everything in our power to love, support, educate, nurture, discipline, and encourage our kids. So, yah, I have given up a lot...but I have received SO much more than I ever expected as well.

Where is the question that asks me about how much I love Truman's snuggles? Or how my heart warms every time he happily announces "Momma, you came back!" when I pick him up from a visit with Umpah? How do you quantify the blessing of spontaneous smooches or seeing him write his name for the first time?

I guess my real question is - Why do these questionnaires always focus on the negative?

One of the forms I had to fill out is called the CES-D which stands for the Center for Epidemiologic Studies Depression Scale. It basically asks you how often during the past week you felt a certain way. Some sample questions include:

• I felt that I was just as good as other people.
• I felt that everything I did was an effort.
• I felt fearful.
• I felt that people disliked me.
• I was bothered by things that usually don't bother me.

Well, after reading all that and thinking back and trying to count all the times I might have felt those things...if I wasn't depressed before, I sure am now! I'm just kidding, but I'm sure you get my point.

I guess the part I find frustrating is that there doesn't seem to be an opportunity to brag about all the wonderful things you LOVE about your child! Where is the place for pride and excitement and wonder and joy and curiosity and fascination and tenderness and humor?!?!?!?! As many difficulties that Truman has, and as many battles our family faces, there are myriad more wonderful blessings that he brings into our world! I believe now and always will that Truman was created for a purpose just like every other soul on Earth. 

Some days I think that purpose was to save my life.

Thanks, Monkey-doodle...I love you!!!

Grace & Peace

-Hannah