Birthday reflections...

Yah, so tomorrow I turn 35.

Not a huge milestone, but it feels strangely momentous for some reason.

Perhaps it's because I have survived cancer...and not just any cancer. Nope.  Nothing ordinary seems in store for my life. It was an extremely rare and aggressive cancer that I was told would likely end my life before my son entered pre-school. Well...he's starting Kindergarten in a few months so I guess that theory pretty much sucked.

Or maybe it's because I spent the majority of my life being morbidly obese and have finally conquered that beast. I've lost around 90 pounds since my bariatric surgery last November, but I'm down at least 125 pounds from my all-time high. Significantly, it will be exactly 8 months tomorrow since my surgery. I actually felt it was some sort of divine intervention that my surgery was scheduled for November 6th. It was two days after Truman turned five and also the same number as my birthday. I can't help but pay attention to numbers showing up in weird ways like that. But I digress.

My point is that since having my surgery I feel VERY different. It is as though I am emerging from some sort of heavy cocoon  and my wings are just starting to dry out. I'm beginning to flutter just a bit.  I hate the whole butterfly metaphor, especially because it is over-used in cheesy pop songs and web vids...but sometimes it is appropriate. Did I mention that I ran (okay, mostly walked, but still...) my very first 10K yesterday? Yah, totally awesome, right? Well...that's kinda what I mean by just beginning to flutter. I can feel all these changes in my ability and energy level and motivation. I mean - even after the race, and all the pain, and the fatigue, and the (YIKES!) blood - all I could think about was how I could better prepare myself for my next event. What is that? The only feeling I can compare it to is fantasizing about my next show during strike night...really the only way to survive the devastation of watching one of my sets being torn apart and thrown in a dumpster. (I'm pretty sure only theatre rats will get that last reference.)

No...I'm not sure that's really it. What I really think it is (and I hope you don't judge me for this) all boils down to a little check mark in a box.

You know the one.  Don't even play.



Yah, that's why I'm kinda freaking out. Or emotional. Or feeling slightly weird. It's because I know that I am moving forever out of the demographic box that all the advertisers and marketing and entertainment and employer-type people care about. FOREVER!!!

Yep...that must be it.

Or I could just be living in some really highly evolved form of denial.

I'll ask my therapist which one it is and get back to you.

But in the mean-time...Happy Birthday to ME!!! :-))

grace & peace,
-Hannah